Good Times Ahead, Fucked Up Head

It's almost thanksgiving....and Christmas and new years. Good times I suppose, but for some reason my dam mind can't make it self up if to be happy or sad about it. Happy that its gonna be those Holidays, or sad that I might not get to spend it with the girl my heart cries for. Of course by my mind I mean me. I'm happy that those days are coming up but I really wish I could spend them with her, and lately (like last night) I've been dreaming a lot about her. I mean I try not to, before I go to bed I intentionally look at things that get her off my mind, like racing, action movies and hey even porn. But I guess that doesn't work. By The Way, I didn't jerk it while watching porn, even though its ok to jerk it once in a while. Anywho, so yea I went to bed and the next thing you know, I'm dreaming I'm with her. I'm in my car sitting there getting ready to leave, and who do I see pretending to be bear, her. Bear is my dog by the way, and don't ask me why she was pretending to be like her. Anywho, but since I was leaving I had to go, and so I took off. The rest of the dream was me trying to go back home to be there with her. Well sadly I didn't get there and I woke up. Well that was that, about 30 mins ago I fell back asleep and had yet another dream with her, this one was a bit weird. I was sitting in my room watching TV and then she comes in and sits next to me and lets me hug her, and well I woke up after that. I know it's just me that is making me feel this way, I really want to get over her so bad! But then sometimes fate or just cruel coincidences, or maybe its just me. But sometimes I'll be watching TV or driving around and I'll see her name 15 time!! especially when I'm trying not to think about her. I need some fucken therapy because I cannot feel this way and live like this anymore!! I rather love her and have her love me than love her and have her not love me. Whatever man I just dont understand why she makes me feel this way, and why me!?? And out of all these other girls out there, why her? shit I'd be ok if it even was my best friend, but for some reasons we talked about that wont happen, even though I wouldnt mind it. But anyways back to the point. I need to either keep trying to see if there is any chance for me and her, or just try and get over her. :( life sucks!!