Bitch, Fuck, Sad, Sad

Life sucks, friends are unfair sometimes, and why is it that everytime I go out with some friends I'm always the one to feel like if I'm the fucken 3rd wheel and shit. Always left out and shit, no huggy huggy shit for me, just fucken punches and kicks and nasty looks. Fuck that man, I have been treated like this for the past school life I had and I'm tired of it. Not even my friend(s) let me put my arm around them or be all close to them like freinds usually do, i have to sit across and far and be there like a fucken dumbass while the rest of them play and shit like that. Fuck that man, I've preyed to god so many times asking him to change this curse i have, i need affection too. People need hugs from time to time. People need to be close to someone from time to time. Its a human touch thing, I havent felt that since I was like 7, and I'm 20 years old now. I know its cuz i'm fat, who the fuck wants to be close and be all huggy huggy with someone like me. I've been told alot of things like "I dont hug seals" or "I cant put my hands around you" and shit like that, all by old so called "friends". I'm tired of feeling left out of all human touch and affection. If I had the chance I would have ended it now, but even that would be painfull. FUCK!!! I'm a nice guy, i love my friend(s), I love my family and I respect alot of things. I say things that get misunderstood and result in somone loosing trust in you, and i mean, whatever I cant write anymore, if I live another day I'll write again. fuck you , you cruel ass fucken life!!! 14 years of no affection and no close human contact has taken its toll on me, I'm human and I need that. And no fucking isnt affection or contact, its just sex. Affection and Contact is when the person lets you hug them, sit next to them with your arm around them, just kicking it. But nah, rapists get better treatment. If I loose a friend because of what I wrote here, its not my fault. Instead of talking about this I know for a fact. They will get mad, call me up and talk some shit and stop talking to me. Its predictable. But whatever, I just wish people wherent so fucken mean to people who look nasty, including me. ANd what makes it all worst is that I like this girl who is younger than me, and doesnt even see how much I love her. or I think its love, but at any case I have STRONG feelings for this girl, and well, I hope god has something good ahead cuz this is only the tip of bad things I have going for me.